Novacorp guide to surviving Zombies Part 1

We here at Novacorp enjoy the benefits of a staff that doesn’t drop dead immediately after the introduction of various threats to our immediate surroundings. This is in large due to our efforts to educate staff in survival techniques for situations which one may occasionally run into on the job.

We have now decided to start sharing some of these survival tips with the general public, entirely for free. We would also like to lay to rest any concerns that this offer is simply a response to the recent ‘Evil Corporations’ tax that has been talked about on the news recently. We would like to assure everyone that this is most certainly not an attempt to appear less evil, for the sake of simply avoiding a slight 482% tax increase.

Before we begin this guide on how to survive a zombie attack, we feel it is important to know what a zombie is. This seemingly trivial step is quite important, as different kinds of zombies do require different kinds of survival technique. In this guide we will be covering Bio-Zombies. That is to say, Zombies which are created and spread via bodily fluids and chemicals.

While Zombies created through nanotechnology may be possible, in theory, we would like to point out that such an idea is entirely ludicrous. Firstly, such a usage of nano-technology would be a gross misuse of power, and would be in direct violation of patents currently held by our fine establishment. Secondly, if such an inconceivable event were to occur, it would happen far too subtly for a typical person to realize that it was happening at all.

Additionally, Zombies created through witchcraft are often bound together by energies independent of the state of the body. Any attack, including the head, would be a waste of ammunition in this case. Iron, or preferably cold iron, weapons are essential to breaking up the energies at work in the body. As well, since these zombies are manipulated by another, presumably intelligent being, you cannot count on them behaving in the same manner as Bio-Zombies. Treating either of these zombie classes the same way you would a Bio-Zombie is a grievous error, and should be avoided if at all possible.

Know your enemy

The typical zombie is technically alive. This is a very common misconception which can lead to hasty, or irrational behavior. If you consider common lore; a zombie typically dies when shot in the head due to damage to the brain. The brain issues orders to the rest of the supposedly undead body, and the body moves along.

Does it make any sense however that the central nervous system would remain both entirely intact, and necessary, while the circulatory system that fuels and powers the body is entirely disengaged? We do not believe so. Rather, we have come to the conclusion that Zombies suffer from several linked ailments that give the general observer the impression that the zombie is unaffected by non-fatal wounds.

The first, and most obvious is the lack of pain. What is less obvious is how much damage one can sustain without collapsing when pain has been removed from the picture. our figures indicate that without pain, and the resulting shock, a zombie would likely continue to move uninhibited until blood loss reached a point that movement became a near impossibility.

This means any attack that does not actually cause instant death will take several minutes to kill any typical zombie. Since a zombie can typically devour a human in far fewer than several minutes, this gives a firm illusion that the zombie is unaffected by it’s wounds. The brighter side to this problem is that anything that can kill a human, will eventually kill a zombie.

You are completely alive, and they are halfway dead. Statistically speaking, you have some good odds on staying alive longer. Now that you have a better picture of what you will be facing, we will be able to cover how to face them next time. With any luck you won’t need to know before then.